Hats off…umm, on!…to Japan’s attitude on kids | amNewYork (2024)
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BY LENORE SKENAZY | If you have passed a public playground anywhere in New York City, you have seen this sign: “Playground rules prohibit adults except in the company of children.”
That is right — no adults allowed, unless they are demonstrably there in their capacity as a caregiver. Apparently, any adult who simply wants to sit on a bench and watch kids at play could be a creep. Best to just ban them all. The idea that children and adults naturally go together has been replaced by distrust and disgust.
Maybe you recall that case in a Washington Heights playground a few years back when seven chess players were fined for — wait for it — playing chess.
The chess tables — concrete ones, placed there by the city — were deemed too close to the kids. So the men were booted.
It didn’t matter that they hadn’t caused any trouble. In fact, the grizzled guys had taken it upon themselves to teach some of the local kids how to play the Game of Kings.
The reality of the situation — the men’s kindness — didn’t matter. All that mattered was the fantasies conjured up by “What if?” thinking: What if they turned out to be monsters?
By separating the generations this way, we are creating a new society, one that actively distrusts anyone who wants to help a kid other than his own. Compare this anxiety with what goes on in Japan. There, the youngest kids wear bright yellow hats when they go to school.
“Doesn’t that put them in danger?” asked a friend I was telling about this. To her, a kid who calls attention to himself is a kid who could be attracting a predator. It is like she really thinks kids should play outside in camouflage.
But attracting adult attention is exactly what the yellow hats are supposed to do. In Japan, the assumption is that the easier it is to see children, the easier it is for grown-ups to look out for them.
Japan is coming from the idea that children are our collective responsibility. America sees children as private treasures under constant threat, so why trust anyone around them?
Which brings me to the flip side of our obsession with stranger danger: The idea that any time a parent lets her kids do anything on their own, she is actually asking the rest of us grown-ups to “babysit” them, for free.
This topic came up last week when a story from Canada went viral: An 11-year-old boy in an Alberta mall was detained by the staff of the Lego store because he was shopping there without a parent. It didn’t matter that he had come there with his own money, intending to buy the Legos he loves so much. It didn’t matter that he had shopped there many times before without incident. And it didn’t matter that he was perfectly well behaved.
All that mattered was that this time, a store employee asked his age and since it was under 12 (the magical age when Lego allows consumers to fork over cash on their own), he was deemed an unbearable burden to the store. The manager had the boy detained until his father picked him up.
This detention outraged many people, but a significant contingent sided with the store, saying that the employees there shouldn’t have to “babysit” the boy.
But that’s the point! No one did have to babysit him. He was just a person in public, albeit a young one. He was fine.
If some problem had come up — say he poked himself in the eye with a Lego block — well, then, yes, some adult may have had to come to his aid.
That is not babysitting! That is one human being helping another who happens to be under 12.
Old and young have always interacted. Adults who enjoy being around kids are, generally, adults who enjoy being around kids. They aren’t predators.
I’m not sure about the yellow hats, but Japan has the right idea. Looking out for everyone beats trusting no one.
Skenazy is a public speaker and founder of the book and blog “Free-Range Kids”
Young students wear colorful hats that show what school they go to. These hats also make children easier for drivers to see. Students will often meet up in groups on their way to school. These groups are usually led by older students who hold flags to keep the younger children from getting lost.
Japanese mothers tend to view their child as initially disconnected from the family, needing to be swayed into complete dependence on their mother. The result is an almost merging of the two minds; lines and boundaries are blurred and the child's desires almost become the mother's, and vice versa.
Japan is famous for its upbringing based on exceptional principles. In Japan, a child is encouraged to be curious. Children are also encouraged to be a full part of society and to get to know the world from an early age. From an early age, a special relationship between a child and a mother is formed.
In general, kids have to be at school by 8:45 am.School finishes around 3:15 pm, so they have to be in school for about six and a half hours every day from Monday to Friday. However, most kids also attend after-school clubs, and many also go to juku (cram school) in the evening to do extra studying.
Some schools and officials think hats are disrespectful, a distraction and sometimes a danger. The formal thing to do when entering a church, house, school, or public place, is to take hats off. It is a sign of respect and courtesy, so they should not be allowed in schools, according to the Washington Post.
Hats for children can keep them safe and happy when out and about in rain and shine. Ultimately, we want the little ones in our life to be able to focus on what they do best: get out and about in nature, explore the world around them and have fun!
Japanese parents often encourage and praise their children's actions when they realize their mistakes and correct themselves. Many families believe that the reward-punishment mechanism will help children realize the importance of trying to change themselves.
In many countries, parents and children do not have the opportunity to enjoy bath time together. This makes the parent-child bath time in Japan even more special.
Japan's failing foster care system creates a bubble of isolation from society through which children leave unprepared for the transition into adulthood. Children are moved from abusive homes to neglectful institutions, facing poor living conditions, physical and sexual abuse, and little support for their future.
Family (kazoku) is a foundational part of Japanese society. An individual's identity, reputation, obligations and responsibilities are deeply connected to their family. Japanese family structures have been influenced by Confucian ideas of filial piety and defined hierarchical social relationships over the centuries.
Public schools in Japan have classes five days a week, from Monday to Friday. There are also schools that have classes on Saturday. In junior high and high schools, there are six class periods each day, typically lasting 50 minutes for each.
No matter where you go in Japan, you'll find it's an easy, fun, safe place to travel with kids. What's more, with one of the world's lowest birth rates, Japan is likely to welcome you and your kiddos with open arms. Many older people, without grandchildren of their own, will dote on yours.
Public elementary and middle schools are closed on national holidays, Saturdays, and Sundays. Japanese schools have three semesters, separated by vacations.
Traditionally, its been thought that hachimaki's would help focus and concentrate. Apparently ancient warriors would where headbands to stabilize helmets / Kabuto's. In recent days, the only practical uses of hachimaki's would be construction workers wearing it so that their sweat won't go in their eyes.
There was then a fashion for European-style naval uniforms, called seraf*cku in Japanese, and first introduced in 1920. The idea was taken from scaled-down sailor suits worn by children coming from royal European families. It was relatively easy to sew and thus was easily adopted in the country.
The length of the skirts is what girls fight for in junior high and high school. The shorter you get to wear it, the higher you are recognized in the school hierarchy system. What after-school club you belong to adds an extra layer to it - at my school, girls in the cheerleading club reigned at the top.
In most Japanese schools, everyone has to change out of their outside shoes and into their inside shoes (called Uwabaki or Uwagutsu) when they enter the school. By wearing indoor shoes they avoid bringing in dirt from outside.
Introduction: My name is Kareem Mueller DO, I am a vivacious, super, thoughtful, excited, handsome, beautiful, combative person who loves writing and wants to share my knowledge and understanding with you.
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